:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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