Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
