the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
