Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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