I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
