Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She bit a glass in half.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize