I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
