I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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