I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just invented taco cereal.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
