By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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