dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
