***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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