i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
