Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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