do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
