If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
