I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
