Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
