Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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