Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
