Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
