I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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