apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You ruined the universe
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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