Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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