Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
