My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
