Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
