Im at strip club and am horny
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm passing your future prison.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
