if i can run in heels then i can drive
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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