dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
