Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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