You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
