Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
