Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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