where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
