fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
