So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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