Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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