WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
