The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
