Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
