Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize