I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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