Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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