so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Where is the hickey?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
