thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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