I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
