if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
