Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A+ Viking dick
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
