so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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