Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
