the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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