I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
