I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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