when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
