My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
