i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
