if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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