I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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