kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
