All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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