Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
