Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just pee around me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
