were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
