the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
