Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
