Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
